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Lee Pope's avatar

"It doesn’t actually matter what people say about their trips: How many glamorous deities or entities they meet, how much healing they say they have done, and so on. What matters is how people act, over the long term, after their experiences. Are they kinder, more responsible, more generous, more caring? Do they make wiser decisions for the sake of their community and the Earth as a whole?" As simple as this realization is, yet is is also absolutely essential, absolutely important to remember. And in its simplicity, it offers a perfect standard for measuring "success" on either the personal or the collective level. Thank you for another wonderful and timely exploration of an important topic!

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Aud's avatar

1980. First and last LSD trip ever. Purple micro dot from Sandoz on little sheets of wax paper. Two hits. Tripped for 2 days. I touched the sky, talked to my cats telepathically, hallucinated, heard the grass in the park grow. Heard every sound in the universe. Laughed my ass off. Made love to my boyfriend. Walked home in the summer rain and watched the sidewalks melt into the sewers. Came home at the crack of dawn and wrote backward in my journal in French. It was the most amazing and terrifying experience ever. I was able to stop the trip by chanting "normal" as if it were a command. I learned so much about the "powers of perception" and how much we do as humans to fully limit our senses. I became more sensitive to color and sound. My sense of aesthetics increased. I became more curious about the world and wanted to see and experience as much as I could.

I remember watching a rerun of Woodstock shortly thereafter at a 1920s style movie house with a gigantic screen and watching the scene where some yoga practitioner was telling some hung over hippies that if they learned the proper use of pranayama that they would be able to get high without the drugs. I vowed to learn about and practice yoga and did so on my own throughout my 20s. The Reagan era of the 1980s was not the best time to practice yoga in the midwest. Far too many people were making it some sort of fitness fad, like aerobics, completely divorcing it from the spiritual dimension. The only guru I could find was the yoga teacher at the Y who told me to read Iyengar. Also I could not eat meat for years after that. I more of a flexitarian now, because I had anemia in my 30s, but I really detest cooking meat to this day. I became so much more sensitive to the environment. And I swear, as God as my witness that I still have flashes of insight aka flashbacks, every now and then, especially after regular meditating.

But. I will never, ever, ever do that again in this lifetime. I am grateful for the experience because later that year a Christmas party the host had served brownies that were laced with MDA (when I told it was just pot) and when I got on the train heading home it hit me. But because I had already tripped before, so I was able to navigate MDA's grip on my reality, and so when I got off at my stop and started walking home I started chanting "normal, normal, normal." I got home safely and slept it off. But after this 2nd experience, I vowed to myself that I would never ever ever take a drug that would control my mind like that intentionally for fun or even awakening. Even now, I am reluctant to take drugs for psychic pain. I allow the pain to teach me what I need to know, and will only allow myself the drug if it promotes healing.

And that's my point. I don't think drugs this powerful should be used in a recreational fashion. I've seen people abuse hallucingens back then, and they've never returned from their trips, or worse (in my opinion, at least) they turned to other drugs like heroin and cocaine. All of those friends died before they age of 40. Not one from an overdose mind you, but from the behaviors that their addictions drew them into. One friend took up prostitution to fund her crack cocaine addition, and ended up dying at 36 from Hep C. Several others got HIV. I knew at least five people in my social circle who died of HIV before they turned 30. I would argue that a lot of my male friends, who were tentatively out of the closet, who contracted HIV did so because they had to lose their inhibitions in order to freely experience their gay and bisexuality in an era, when it was not okay to be gay.

In a casual social circle of about 40 people, only a handful of us made it to our 50s and beyond. Everyone else is dead, or battling serious mental illness.

So maybe it's because of this lived experience that I am truly concerned about the potential for psychedelics to be abused because so often (at least in my experience) I've seen it mask unhidden and unhealed trauma and other psychic wounding. I have seen so much damage done when this happens.

Still, all that being said, I don't want to ever deny people the possibility of the transformation and expansion of consciousness using psychedelics. I do not regret my experience at all. But as I vaguely recall from reading Aldous Huxley's book Through the Doors of Perception & Heaven and Hell, I came to a similar conclusion: that while my trip was wild, life altering, I really got all that I needed from it and had no desire to travel that way again. In short, one trip was enough for me.

My concern is that we take these experiences too casually, and without reverence and intention, one more thing to abuse and commercialize. And of course, that's exactly what seems to be happening.

Deja vu all over again.

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