Finally got a chance to listen and wow, there is so much to say. It’s all very affirming. And in alignment with my current actions to seek pleasure again from a more embodied place after having children, so it was interesting to hear that it was an entry point for her as well, the bodily, hormonal, psychological changes after childbirth. I’ve worked in physical fitness in the past as a personal trainer and found the culture around it to be so limiting and toxic, for instance I got breast implants because otherwise I couldn’t reach a certain aesthetic level and it was the norm. It’s a damn shame that the same trap is happening to men due to greater opportunities for women. What a cluster. Initiations for men sound like such an important thing. I think women at least have a built in one with our menses, the shock, awe and maybe for some, horror, of releasing blood from the body every month as a young person emerging in the world. I digress. Movement as an ample entry point for change is a powerful notion that allows the embodiment she discusses, getting out of the mental intellect which, blown out of proportion, is disconnected from the whole being. I would love more on this! Would love to say more too.
I know I'm late to the party here, but just got around to reading this. Having studied primate sexual behavior for a long time, I'd caution against this kind of statement:
"In primate communities, the Alpha Male has, more or less, sexual access to all of the females — until that time when they become sick or weak, at which point the Beta Males organize to overthrow their leader, and then fight among themselves for who will take on the Alpha role."
Which primates are you speaking of? Gorilla social organization is totally different from that of orangutans, chimps, bonobos or gibbons. And don't get me started on monkeys! This whole alpha/beta thing is very attractive to the Andrew Tates of the world, but it's way off the mark in any serious discussion of primate sexual behavior.
I was thinking chimps from what I remember of the book “Demonic Males” on apes and the origin of human violence. Would love more nuance if you can provide a short roster?
Demonic Males offers a VERY slanted take on primate behavior. I covered a lot of the controversy over chimp research in Sex at Dawn. Frans de Waal's work offers a far more nuanced, less agenda-driven view of primate behavior. Hierarchy in the Forest, by Christopher Boehm is a fascinating overview of how power is understood and wielded by primates and early humans.
Also, the examples I listed are all apes. Gorillas, humans, orangs, chimps, and bonobos (the great apes) offer very distinct examples of how social primates organize themselves.
Thanks Daniel for continuing to explore taboo material. I definitely resonate with what you said about being in an awkward state between relationship structures with no lighthouse. I don't think we're as a society doing either monogamy or polyamory in a functional way. I'm now thinking family structures and how it used to be that an arranged marriage was an alliance between whole families. Then we moved into the system of the "nuclear family" and monogamy took on a very different meaning. Rebellion against this led to the breakdown of the nuclear family but did not bring our large extended older families back. Right now I feel like there is a drive behind polyamory to form larger systems once again, to have extensive support networks. But it's not yet working out. Family used to be about your culture, ethnicity and location in space. We're obviously not going back to that kind of tribalism. What can family come to mean now? Along what lines can we build systems of support and intimacy?
This is a bit adjacent to sexuality but I feel like it may be more crucial to sexual revelation than we realize.
Another factor may be how we are currently a "touch starved" society where all touch comes through an intimate relationship. This probably shouldn't be the case. When you are touch starved and all touch seems to come through sexual intimacy then of course you're going to end up neurotically fixated on it and still never fulfilled.
I appreciate the description of utilizing polarity in the talk and also a movement toward a more whole bodied sexuality.
I hope you do get to have a second or third round of this discussion!
Loved all of this. My new novel is about an alpha male’s plant medicine resort in Hawaii and so this was perfectly aligned with my current research. Thank you.
Also, a 43 yr old newishly single female friend of mine lamented last night — “no one makes love anymore.” And this really struck me. Seems like it might be true and I wonder if technological Distraction is partly to blame.
Another thing— how much has the rise and dramatic increase of autism impacted the Genz sex rates? Because we’ve got 1 out of 35 kids now being diagnosed with autism, a population known for struggling far more to attract mates or have sex. I wonder if the teen sex decline is 100% mapped onto the autistic increase?
Finally got a chance to listen and wow, there is so much to say. It’s all very affirming. And in alignment with my current actions to seek pleasure again from a more embodied place after having children, so it was interesting to hear that it was an entry point for her as well, the bodily, hormonal, psychological changes after childbirth. I’ve worked in physical fitness in the past as a personal trainer and found the culture around it to be so limiting and toxic, for instance I got breast implants because otherwise I couldn’t reach a certain aesthetic level and it was the norm. It’s a damn shame that the same trap is happening to men due to greater opportunities for women. What a cluster. Initiations for men sound like such an important thing. I think women at least have a built in one with our menses, the shock, awe and maybe for some, horror, of releasing blood from the body every month as a young person emerging in the world. I digress. Movement as an ample entry point for change is a powerful notion that allows the embodiment she discusses, getting out of the mental intellect which, blown out of proportion, is disconnected from the whole being. I would love more on this! Would love to say more too.
Beautiful comment!
I know I'm late to the party here, but just got around to reading this. Having studied primate sexual behavior for a long time, I'd caution against this kind of statement:
"In primate communities, the Alpha Male has, more or less, sexual access to all of the females — until that time when they become sick or weak, at which point the Beta Males organize to overthrow their leader, and then fight among themselves for who will take on the Alpha role."
Which primates are you speaking of? Gorilla social organization is totally different from that of orangutans, chimps, bonobos or gibbons. And don't get me started on monkeys! This whole alpha/beta thing is very attractive to the Andrew Tates of the world, but it's way off the mark in any serious discussion of primate sexual behavior.
I was thinking chimps from what I remember of the book “Demonic Males” on apes and the origin of human violence. Would love more nuance if you can provide a short roster?
Demonic Males offers a VERY slanted take on primate behavior. I covered a lot of the controversy over chimp research in Sex at Dawn. Frans de Waal's work offers a far more nuanced, less agenda-driven view of primate behavior. Hierarchy in the Forest, by Christopher Boehm is a fascinating overview of how power is understood and wielded by primates and early humans.
if I can unglue my eyes from the disintegration of American democracy and civic life, I will give it a read.
Also, the examples I listed are all apes. Gorillas, humans, orangs, chimps, and bonobos (the great apes) offer very distinct examples of how social primates organize themselves.
Thanks Daniel for continuing to explore taboo material. I definitely resonate with what you said about being in an awkward state between relationship structures with no lighthouse. I don't think we're as a society doing either monogamy or polyamory in a functional way. I'm now thinking family structures and how it used to be that an arranged marriage was an alliance between whole families. Then we moved into the system of the "nuclear family" and monogamy took on a very different meaning. Rebellion against this led to the breakdown of the nuclear family but did not bring our large extended older families back. Right now I feel like there is a drive behind polyamory to form larger systems once again, to have extensive support networks. But it's not yet working out. Family used to be about your culture, ethnicity and location in space. We're obviously not going back to that kind of tribalism. What can family come to mean now? Along what lines can we build systems of support and intimacy?
This is a bit adjacent to sexuality but I feel like it may be more crucial to sexual revelation than we realize.
Another factor may be how we are currently a "touch starved" society where all touch comes through an intimate relationship. This probably shouldn't be the case. When you are touch starved and all touch seems to come through sexual intimacy then of course you're going to end up neurotically fixated on it and still never fulfilled.
I appreciate the description of utilizing polarity in the talk and also a movement toward a more whole bodied sexuality.
I hope you do get to have a second or third round of this discussion!
Loved all of this. My new novel is about an alpha male’s plant medicine resort in Hawaii and so this was perfectly aligned with my current research. Thank you.
Also, a 43 yr old newishly single female friend of mine lamented last night — “no one makes love anymore.” And this really struck me. Seems like it might be true and I wonder if technological Distraction is partly to blame.
Another thing— how much has the rise and dramatic increase of autism impacted the Genz sex rates? Because we’ve got 1 out of 35 kids now being diagnosed with autism, a population known for struggling far more to attract mates or have sex. I wonder if the teen sex decline is 100% mapped onto the autistic increase?
I remember you questioning evolution or atleast neodarwinism in one of your books. I wonder how you feel about it now?